THE ROOKIE
Season 6, Episode 2
"The Hammer"
EXT. STREET, DAY
OFFICERS NOLAN and JUAREZ get out of their shop and walk down the street, looking around.
NOLAN
Dispatch said it was a noise complaint?
JUAREZ
Yes, sir.
NOLAN
And they requested us specifically?
JUAREZ
That's what she said.
NOLAN
I guess we missed it.
A garage door opens and the band inside starts playing "Daddy Cop" as heard in a previous episode.
GARAGE BAND
♪ Is that a baton in your pocket ♪
♪ Or are you just happy to see me? ♪
♪ She puts the short in shorty ♪
♪ And he looks like he wants to chase me ♪
♪ Cop cuties, cute and on duty ♪
♪ Navy blue booties, go ahead and lock me up ♪
♪ Arrest me ♪
JUAREZ
Sir?
GARAGE BAND
♪ But make it sexy ♪
NOLAN
I got this.
GARAGE BAND
♪ Sell me some meth, please, so I can get arrested ♪
JUAREZ
This would be a great opportunity to teach me about de-escalating in policing.
GARAGE BAND
♪ And his daddy cop arms and his daddy cop butt, ow ♪
GARAGE BAND & CHOIR
♪ Cop cuties, cute and on duty ♪
♪ Navy blue booties, go ahead and lock me up ♪
♪ Arrest me, but make it sexy ♪
♪ Arrest me, but make it sexy, yeah ♪
♪ Arrest me, but make it sexy ♪
♪ Arrest me, but make it sexy, yeah ♪
♪ Arrest me, but make it sexy ♪
The camera pulls back as NOLAN approaches the band; we see that the footage is a recording, which SERGEANT GREY and OFFICER JUAREZ are viewing in the Mid-Wilshire briefing room.
GREY
Imagine my surprise when reviewing last week's bodycam footage and I saw... this.
JUAREZ
No. Yes, sir. I, uh--well, I-- I can explain. It's...
GREY
I'm waiting.
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ I'm gonna win for you ♪
INT. JOHN NOLAN'S HOUSE, DAY - BEDROOM
NOLAN is lying in bed when BAILEY NUNE enters.
BAILEY
Wake up, lazybones. We're gettin' married tomorrow, and there is a buttload to get done.
NOLAN
Uh, I'm not feeling very good.
BAILEY
What?
NOLAN
Yeah, my head. (lays a hand on his forehead)
BAILEY
What's going on? (leans over him) Maybe--
NOLAN grabs her and pulls her down on the bed in a hug.
NOLAN
Oh, sucker!
BAILEY
[laughing] You faker.
NOLAN
Yeah. Listen, this is important. We're getting married tomorrow.
BAILEY
I know. I already said that.
NOLAN
Yeah, I just felt like it needed a little extra attention.
BAILEY
Get your ass out of bed.
NOLAN
Yes, boss.
BAILEY
We need to go meet the wedding planner.
NOLAN
Yes, boss.
He rolls out of bed while BAILEY leaves the room.
INT NOLAN'S HOUSE, DAY - LIVING AREA
BAILEY answers a call on her cell phone. It's HENRY NOLAN.
BAILEY
Henry, hi.
HENRY
Hey, Bailey.
BAILEY
Are you getting on your flight?
HENRY
No. Uh, a little hiccup. My flight got canceled. Technically, the entire airline went bankrupt, so...
BAILEY
Okay, well, we're just gonna have to get you on another flight.
HENRY
I tried, but there are none available that'll get me there in time for the wedding.
NOLAN pops his head out of the bedroom.
NOLAN
Who are you talking to?
BAILEY
Uh, the firehouse. (talks to HENRY as NOLAN goes back into the bedroom) We are not gonna tell your dad about this because I don't want him to worry. Okay, I need you to get to the train station. It looks like there's a few flights out of Haneda that would get you here in time, but you need to make the next bullet train.
HENRY
On it. Thanks for the assist.
BAILEY ends the call as NOLAN comes out of the bedroom.
NOLAN
Everything okay?
BAILEY
Yeah, totally. They couldn't find something, so instead of actually looking, they call me.
NOLAN
Men.
BAILEY
Tell me about it.
NOLAN
Shall we plan a wedding?
BAILEY
Yes.
They head for the door, but when they open it they see CHASTITY SNEED on their doorstep, making out with someone in a pink hoodie.
NOLAN
Oh, Chastity, hi!
BAILEY
Oh.
NOLAN
Pete. (as the man turns) Not Pete. Randy.
RANDY
Oh, hello, mein bestest Freund. Oh, wow. Funniest of stories. So when I skip-tracer-bounty-hunted Mr. Peter yesterday, he begged me not to take him in because of your upcoming marital consummation.
BAILEY
Skip traced for what?
CHASTITY
Outstanding warrant. 6,000 in unpaid parking tickets.
NOLAN
6,000?
CHASTITY
Yeah.
RANDY
Yeah, when I told him I took a vow as a law enforcement officer not to accept bribes, he made me promise to go to your wedding in his place.
BAILEY
And have sexy time with his girlfriend?
CHASTITY
Oh, just over-the-clothes stuff. I'm teaching Randy here how to be a better kisser.
RANDY
Oh, she is very good. Allow me to share her skills.
NOLAN
No. No.
BAILEY
Oh, that's okay. We're actually running late to meet the wedding planners.
NOLAN
Well, this is insane, to be honest. But we've really gotta go. So the guest room is ready to go. Please stay out of trouble.
RANDY
You are no fun, but you will be tonight at your bachelor party.
NOLAN
No bachelor party. I told you--I told Pete.
RANDY
Oh, yeah, and he said, "Well, I can't believe we are related, half-bro. Pound."
NOLAN
Nailed it. But while I am so glad that you are here, I, in no way, agree to participate in this bizarre brother-swap thing, so (to RANDY) you can cut that out...
RANDY
Okay.
NOLAN
(to CHASTITY) You can have a lovely day, and (to BAILEY) you can come with me.
BAILEY
Yes.
CHASTITY
Thank you, guys.
NOLAN and BAILEY leave the house.
RANDY
Bye-bye.
CHASTITY
Bye. [laughs]
RANDY
Okay, we are alone.
CHASTITY
Yeah.
RANDY
What would Mr. Peter do?
CHASTITY
Um... mm. Role-play.
She goes over and opens the jewelry box with BAILEY's wedding ring in it.
RANDY
Yes. I will be Marlene Dietrich. You will be Marty McFly, teaming up with Mr. Frodo to help him get to Mordor.
INT. MID-WILSHIRE STATION, DAY - GREY'S OFFICE
LUNA
Thank you for breakfast.
GREY
Of course. But you didn't have to walk me home.
LUNA
I didn't. I came to check on Aaron.
GREY
Oh. All right. I'll see you tonight.
LUNA
Okay. Remember, I have book group, so I'll be home late.
GREY
You just had book group. How many books do you guys read a week?
LUNA
Two or three. Now where can I find Aaron? Thank you. Bye, baby.
GREY
Bye, baby.
LUNA
Mwah.
INT. MID-WILSHIRE STATION, DAY - PROCESSING
OFFICER THORSEN is operating the mug shot camera when LUNA GREY enters.
THORSEN
And turn to the right. Wish we had a better lighting setup, but this tells a story.
LUNA
Hi.
THORSEN
Mrs. Grey, hey.
LUNA
How you feeling?
THORSEN
Good. Great. Wish I could just get back out there.
LUNA
I understand. But don't rush. No matter what Wade might say, it took him a while to get himself right after he was shot. No one's gonna judge you negatively.
THORSEN
Appreciate that. Thanks.
LUNA
Well, I'm gonna get going.
THORSEN
Of course. Thanks for checking in. Yeah.
INT. MID-WILSHIRE STATION, DAY - SALLY PORT
THORSEN opens the door to find JUAREZ and HARPER standing by their shop.
THORSEN
Hey.
JUAREZ
Hey.
THORSEN
You have a sec?
JUAREZ
Sure. (off HARPER's look) No. Sorry, we gotta get out there.
HARPER
Everything all right?
THORSEN
Yeah. Uh, totally. It can wait.
HARPER
(to JUAREZ) Get your ass in the shop. You are driving while I figure out your new nickname.
JUAREZ
Yes, ma'am.
INT. MID-WILSHIRE STATION, DAY - HALLWAY
CHEN
Got a minute to talk?
BRADFORD
Uh, sure. There's nothing to talk about. You felt I undermined you at a crime scene to stop you from making detective. I explained that I didn't. Now we're moving on. Okay.
CHEN
Well, while I appreciate the efficiency, that's not how actual healthy communication works.
BRADFORD
Wow, that's not condescending at all. Explain to me what there is to talk about that isn't just a retread of what I just efficiently covered?
CHEN
Well...that's not the point. Look, if I have to start another deep undercover assignment, there are real issues here that we need to talk about.
BRADFORD
Which we will deal with if they come up then. I gotta get to work. Have a good shift.
EXT. ZEN RETREAT, DAY - GARDEN
NOLAN and BAILEY are walking around with their WEDDING PLANNER.
WEDDING PLANNER
This is a problem. It's amazing you got it last-minute, but it's so much more than a home wedding.
NOLAN
And by more, you mean...
WEDDING PLANNER
Expensive. If we bring the same game plan here as your house, it'll look cheap and low-rent. So we have to up everything-- flowers, catering.
NOLAN
I'm a little worried about how stressed out you seem.
WEDDING PLANNER
Sorry, it's been a morning. My girlfriend is cheating, and my assistant quit.
BAILEY
Well, we're happy to help.
WEDDING PLANNER
Great. I need you to go give Be-Bop $1,000.
NOLAN
Love it. Who's Be-Bop?
BAILEY
Our DJ.
NOLAN's cell phone chimes and he ducks away to answer it.
NOLAN
I am so sorry, I just have to take this quick. Hey, what's up?
INT. D.A.'s OFFICES, DAY
WESLEY
(on the phone) Where are you?
NOLAN
I'm doing wedding stuff.
WESLEY
You forgot about the deposition.
NOLAN
I forgot about the deposition. You have to get me out of that. There's so much to do. I'm getting married tomorrow.
WESLEY
Look, I get it, but Judge Scott was born without sympathy.
OSCAR HUTCHINSON comes down the hall in restraints, accompanied by guards, and goes past WESLEY into the conference room.
OSCAR
Wesley. Looking sharp.
WESLEY
Sharp. Ha. I can try to get Oscar's lawyer to agree to a continuance, but only when you're here.
NOLAN
I'll be there in 20 minutes.
He ends the call and rejoins BAILEY.
BAILEY
Be where in 20?
NOLAN
It's a surprise, but I will meet you at the DJ's house.
BAILEY
Uh-- (her cell chimes; to NOLAN) Okay, no problem. Gotcha. (into her phone) Henry. Hey, what's happenin'? You missed the bullet train. Uh-huh. Those things go quick. Okay, just give me a second to figure out a plan C.
EXT. RESIDENCE, DAY - DRIVEWAY
Two women are facing each other over their front-yard fences when JUAREZ and HARPER pull up.
HOLLAND
You have always hated him.
ABBY
He won't stop barking.
HARPER
You take point, Miss Cleo.
JUAREZ
Mi--oh, right, the psychic. Good one. Who called 911?
HOLLAND
That was me, because this bitch poisoned my dog.
ABBY
I did not.
JUAREZ
Can I take a look at him?
HOLLAND
Yeah, of course. He's a sweetheart.
ABBY
He's a menace. But I didn't hurt him, I swear.
HARPER
Mm.
JUAREZ kneels to check the dog, who's alive but in distress.
JUAREZ
It's okay. It looks like he was chewing on your planter. Detective, can you look at this?
HARPER
Thank you.
HOLLAND
Uh-huh.
HARPER
Um, where did you get this flowerpot?
HOLLAND
The farmers market last weekend. Why?
HARPER
Okay, we need to have it tested. Officer Juarez will give you a receipt. You need to take your dog to the vet and let them know that he might have ingested a narcotic.
INT. D.A.'S OFFICES, DAY - CONFERENCE ROOM
NOLAN comes rushing in to find WESLEY and OSCAR seated at a conference table.
NOLAN
Wesley.
OSCAR
John-O. It's great to see you. I'm sorry for upsetting and disrupting your upcoming nuptials. Although truth be told, I'm a little hurt I didn't get the invite.
NOLAN
Is that why you're suing me?
OSCAR
No. I'm suing you for gross negligence in allowing my injury while selflessly donating a kidney.
NOLAN
Oh, Oscar, you are so full of--
MONICA STEVENS enters the room.
STEVENS
Don't talk to my client like that.
WESLEY
Monica.
STEVENS
Good morning. I'm taking over Mr. Hutchinson's case. Substitution of counsel has been filed with the court. Let's get started.
OSCAR
(to NOLAN) You're in trouble now.
INT. MID-WILSHIRE STATION, DAY - BULLPEN
JUAREZ
Aaron. Look, I'm sorry about earlier. You know how judgy Harper can be, and I really need to impress her. You okay?
THORSEN
Yeah. Just, um, having a hard day.
JUAREZ
It's okay. You're safe.
She gives him a hug.
HARPER
Boot, I thought you were going to 10-1.
JUAREZ
No, yes, ma'am. I'll be out there in five.
HARPER
Make it two. (to THORSEN, as JUAREZ hurries away) So how's it going with the department shrink?
THORSEN
Good. Should be cleared any day now.
HARPER
Mm-hmm.
INT. MID-WILSHIRE STATION, DAY - HALLWAY
RANDY and CHASTITY exit the elevator and run into OFFICER CHEN.
RANDY
Officer Lucy Chen, wow. How fortunate to find you here.
CHEN
Uh, fortunate for who?
RANDY
We have ein winzig problem and need a little help.
CHASTITY
Randy pawned Bailey's wedding ring.
CHEN
What? Why would you do that?
RANDY
I was role-playing as Pete and got a little carried away. And unfortunately, before I could buy it back, a murderous-looking man bought it out from under me.
CHASTITY
So we really need you to, um--
CHEN
Get it back?
RANDY
Exactly. Wow! See, I told you we have come to the right location. Mm, please help us. Immediately.
INT. MID-WILSHIRE STATION, DAY - HALLWAY
CHEN comes along to walk and talk with LOPEZ.
CHEN
Oh, hey. Do you have any leverage with a felon called The Hammer?
LOPEZ
No, why?
CHEN
Okay, so Skip Tracer Randy was role-playing as Nolan's brother Pete, and he pawned Bailey's wedding ring, and The Hammer bought it.
LOPEZ
Nothing about that sentence makes sense.
BRADFORD joins them.
BRADFORD
I've run The Hammer before. You want no part of his craziness.
CHEN
Yet I still told Randy that I would try and get it for him, so...
BRADFORD
I'll go with you.
CHEN
No. Please don't do me any favors.
BRADFORD
Seriously?
CHEN
Hmm.
BRADFORD
I knew you weren't gonna be able to let it go.
CHEN
I have completely let it go.
LOPEZ
(amused) Let what go?
BRADFORD & CHEN
Nothing.
BRADFORD
Okay, do you want my help or not?
CHEN
I don't need it, but I will accept it.
BRADFORD
Fine.
CHEN
Good.
BRADFORD
Whatever.
CHEN
Great.
BRADFORD
Let's go.
LOPEZ
Maybe I'll go too. Grab some popcorn on the way for the show.
BRADFORD
You're not funny.
LOPEZ
I'm hysterical. Ask Wesley.
INT. D.A.'S OFFICES, DAY - CONFERENCE ROOM
STEVENS
Failure to protect my client is a violation of the Eighth Amendment, not to mention depriving him of minimal civilized measures of life's necessities.
NOLAN
He got takeout.
OSCAR
I got assaulted. And you let it happen.
NOLAN
Look, I don't have time for this.
WESLEY
How about a little bit of human decency here, Monica? Officer Nolan has a wedding to get ready for. If you agree to the continuance, the judge will sign off.
STEVENS
Happy to. If Officer Nolan turns over his phone.
NOLAN
What?
WESLEY
No, no, no. That is ridiculous.
STEVENS
His phone contains evidence in texts, photos, and notes consistent with a cruel indifference to my client's suffering.
NOLAN
No, it doesn't.
STEVENS
And I worry that he will destroy that evidence if given the opportunity.
WESLEY
Okay, there is no nexus between the plaintiff's alleged discomfort and Officer Nolan's phone. And any such intrusion is so vast that only a special master should be allowed to review the contents of that phone.
STEVENS
Then it looks like we're spending the day here.
NOLAN
No, I-I can't. Just--look, I'm gonna give Wesley my phone. The judge can decide what to share.
OSCAR
Great seeing you, John.
STEVENS
Congratulations.
NOLAN
I just need to write down one address.
EXT. RESIDENTIAL NEIGHBORHOOD, DAY - BE-BOP'S HOUSE
BAILEY
Why didn't you answer my call?
NOLAN
Uh, lost my phone.
BAILEY
What? Where?
NOLAN
At the surprise place.
BAILEY
John, the next 24 hours are gonna hit us at 100 miles an hour. I need you to have a phone.
NOLAN
No. Yeah. I know. Don't worry. I'm gonna get one right after we're finished here. I won't skip a beat.
BAILEY
Okay.
BE-BOP
Who is it?
NOLAN
John Nolan. You're gonna DJ our wedding tomorrow.
BE-BOP
Oh, yeah, yeah. It's open. Come on in.
NOLAN
Oh.
BE-BOP
Hey, what's up? Listen, I've been thinking a lot about your gig because I know that you said you wanted me to lean into, like, a '90s Janet vibe or whatever. But I just got this old Nordic go-go disk. You gotta check this out because I really think this is gonna set--
NOLAN
Oh. You know switchblades are illegal in the state of California, right?
BE-BOP
Really?
NOLAN
Yeah. It's a violation of Penal Code 21510, but I can ignore that. We're just here to give you the cash for the gig.
BE-BOP
Hey, what's up? No. No, no, no. You tell him that he's gotta pay up. I boosted those kicks 'cause he said he wanted them. Do I look like I have size 7 feet to you?
NOLAN
Now he's bragging about shoplifting.
BAILEY
Why don't you just wait outside?
NOLAN
I think that's for the best. Yeah.
BE-BOP
I'm sorry, you guys said that you were here for the--the DJ gig or some molly?
NOLAN
Okay. And that's a felony. We were here for the DJ gig, but seeing as how I'm a cop and you just committed several crimes in front of me, now I'm here to arrest you.
INT. APARTMENT BUILDING, DAY - THE HAMMER'S APARTMENT
BRADFORD
All right, good news, bad news. The Hammer, aka William Robert Bennett, has an outstanding felony warrant.
CHEN
Wait, his name is Billy Bob Bennett?
BRADFORD
Correct.
CHEN
No wonder he prefers his nickname.
BRADFORD
Can I finish the whole good news/bad news cliché?
CHEN
Yes. Sorry, knock yourself out.
BRADFORD
The Hammer has a felony warrant, which means we can go kick down his door right now.
CHEN
Which is good, but he bought the ring legally.
BRADFORD
Which is bad, because he's under no obligation to give it to us, and I'd argue he's even less inclined to hand it over once we arrest him.
CHEN
Mm-hmm.
BRADFORD
Plus--
CHEN
Plus what?
BRADFORD
Plus, The Hammer is called The Hammer because he likes to fight. And there's no one he loves to fight more than cops.
CHEN
Oh.
BRADFORD
Mm-hmm.
CHEN
Well, after you.
BRADFORD
No, ladies first.
CHEN
Oh. Um, just wait. Hear us out. Earlier today, you bought a wedding ring at a pawn shop.
HAMMER
Yeah. I'm getting married in a month.
CHEN
Oh, congratulations. Unfortunately, that ring was stolen, and we--we will need it back.
HAMMER
Well, I paid 1,000 bucks for it.
CHEN
Right, which is why we are willing to make a trade with you today. You give us the ring and we will give you a head start.
HAMMER
She's lying.
BRADFORD
She's not. You give it to us, we head back down to the shop, we'll wait 20 minutes before we call for backup. You can make a run for it, grab the missus-to-be, head to ground.
HAMMER
Oh, right. Hmm. Nah.
BRADFORD
Mm.
CHEN
Why not?
HAMMER
Because eventually, I'm gonna get caught. But you needing something from me, now, that's an opportunity.
CHEN
What kind of opportunity?
HAMMER
A fair fight for once. You beat me, I'll give you the ring and I put your cuffs on. I beat you, I get to keep the ring and I still put the cuffs on. No fight, no ring.
BRADFORD
Guess you're gonna have to fight him.
CHEN
I have to look amazing in a dress tomorrow. Nobody cares what you look like. He's huge. I am not fighting him.
BRADFORD
Let's go.
HAMMER
Yes!
CHEN
You got this.
BRADFORD
Thanks.
{Fight ensues.)
CHEN
Oh, my God.
HAMMER
All right! You win. You win. You win. The ring's in the drawer over there.
CHEN
That's good.
BRADFORD
Here.
CHEN
Good job.
BRADFORD
Yeah, thanks.
CHEN
Yeah. Are you okay?
BRADFORD
Yeah, I'm great.
CHEN
Oh.
INT. MID-WILSHIRE STATION, DAY - OBSERVATION
LOPEZ
Got your text. What's up?
HARPER
A tox screen came back on that hinky flowerpot. Pure heroin.
LOPEZ
That the skell that our homeowner bought the flowerpot from?
HARPER
Yep, Seth Gallegos. Couple misdemeanor priors.
LOPEZ
You want help taking a run at him?
HARPER
No, I'm gonna get the rookie to do it. Yeah, see what she's got.
LOPEZ
And you invited me to watch the show.
HARPER
Mm-hmm.
LOPEZ
Gracias.
INT. MID-WILSHIRE STATION, DAY - INTERROGATION
JUAREZ
Mr. Gallegos, thank you for coming in.
GALLEGOS
Didn't think I had a choice.
JUAREZ
Oh, no, you absolutely do. I just was hoping you can clear up a few things. Let's start easy. Do you sell these at the Silverlake Farmers Market?
GALLEGOS
I don't know. No, I don't.
JUAREZ
Seth. I think you know you're in trouble here. We tested the flowerpots. It's made of compressed heroin.
GALLEGOS
I don't know what that is.
JUAREZ
You don't know what heroin is? All right, let's just cut to the chase. You're a low-level drug mule, most likely working for the crew that converts the flowerpots into street product. You figured nobody would miss the real flowerpots that are packed in the front of the truck to hide the fake ones, so you started selling them. But you sold the wrong planters. How am I doing? You do know that El Jefe is going to be homicidal when he finds out you stole from him.
GALLEGOS
I didn't steal. I don't steal. I'm not a thief. And I don't know what you're talking about. A drug mule? What?
JUAREZ
Listen, you have more power than you realize. Start talking and you can name your terms, get immunity, protection. Otherwise, I'm afraid the next time I see you, you'll be in a body bag.
LOPEZ
She has him.
HARPER
You putting money on that?
LOPEZ
Hell no. I didn't say she could land him.
GALLEGOS
You said I was free to go, so I'm gonna go.
JUAREZ
Okay, wait. This offer's got a clock on it, like your life. Here's my card. Call me anytime.
HARPER
So much room for improvement, Miss Cleo.
JUAREZ
Yeah, I know. I didn't have anything to hold him on.
LOPEZ
To be fair, you got him to the finish line.
JUAREZ
Yeah, but I didn't get him across. So what now?
LOPEZ
Write it up and hand it off to Narcotics. This one goes in your loss column.
INT. NOLAN'S HOUSE, DAY - KITCHEN
BAILEY
Where have you been?
NOLAN
Buying a new phone. Why? What's wrong?
BAILEY
The florist tried calling you, like, ten times. He thought we'd ghosted him. He had another order and he sold our flowers.
NOLAN
What? Why wouldn't he call you?
BAILEY
I might have been on another call.
NOLAN
Okay, let's just focus on solutions.
BAILEY
Well, there are none. It's end of day. There is no florist that could handle an order this large last-minute. But we need to have flowers for the wedding.
NOLAN
We will, and I know exactly where to get them. Don't worry about this. You just go and enjoy girls' night. I got this.
BAILEY
Okay. Thank you. Where's my ring?
CHASTITY
Oh. Hey, what's up?
BAILEY
My wedding ring is missing.
CHASTITY
No, it's not. Randy got caramel on it, so I got it cleaned for you. Here it is. Here it is.
BAILEY
Thank you.
JONAS
Knock, knock. I have a cake for the Nolan-Nune wedding.
BAILEY
I'm sorry, but there's been a mistake, which is clearly our official wedding motto. This cake is supposed to be delivered to our wedding tomorrow.
JONAS
We're closed tomorrow. It's now or never.
BAILEY
No one ever mentioned that to me when I placed the order. How am I supposed to move this c-- uh, wait, that's wrong. Is that coconut cream?
JONAS
Yeah, vegan.
BAILEY
Uh, no. Deadly. My husband is allergic to that. You're gonna have to redo it.
JONAS
Closed tomorrow. Your husband doesn't have to eat it.
BAILEY
It's our wedding cake.
CHASTITY
Hey. Hey. It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay.
BAILEY
Can you help me make a new wedding cake?
CHASTITY
No. God no. I burn kitchens down. But we can call in for reinforcements.
EXT. FLOWER SHOP, DAY
NOLAN
Hey, Randy. I know I said I didn't want a bachelor party, but I need you to help me get some guys together. Oh, these are perfect!
INT. LOPEZ/EVERS HOUSE, EVENING
RANDY
This is a delightful bachelor party.
NOLAN
Not a bachelor party.
RANDY
Oh, hello. Please do not be using the masking tape. We have this entzückenend floral tape.
NOLAN
Yeah, Randy watched about 57 ClipTalk videos, so he's the expert now.
GREY
Wesley was catching me up on your lawsuit.
NOLAN
Yeah, I'm trying not to think about it.
WESLEY
The suit's frivolous. Judge will see that.
GREY
I'm not worried about the lawsuit.
INT. NOLAN'S HOUSE, EVENING
LOPEZ
I'm worried about Monica.
HARPER
Oscar can't afford 15 minutes of her time, much less full representation.
LOPEZ
Elijah has to be bankrolling this.
WESLEY
Maybe, but Monica has plenty other clients that hate the LAPD.
NOLAN
Whatever happens, maybe we just don't talk about it at the wedding. I'll tell Bailey later.
LOPEZ
The timing couldn't be worse. Leave it to Oscar to sue Nolan the day before his wedding.
BAILEY
Wait, Oscar is suing John?
JUAREZ
Please tell me your bachelorette party will involve less baking and more actual party.
CHEN
That is a long way off, if it's even in our future.
JUAREZ
You and Tim are so great together.
BRADFORD
We're great when she's not accusing me of made-up transgressions.
CHEN
Look, I'm not imagining things. Tim is traumatized by what happened with Isabel. He just won't admit it.
BRADFORD
Honestly, I think she's projecting or just using this as an excuse.
CHASTITY
Yeah, well, undercover work is kind of scary and dangerous. Maybe he's not the only one that's scared of what might happen.
CHEN
No. I'm fine. He has the problem.
BRADFORD
How do I prove that I'm not the problem?
RANDY
I have an idea. It's only ein wenig crazy.
JUAREZ
Hey.
THORSEN
Hey, I gotta get out of here. This is sad. We can get dinner at that Korean place you like.
JUAREZ
I can't. Look, I failed with a drug mule today. I really need to show Harper what I'm capable of.
THORSEN
What, by baking a cake?
JUAREZ
Whatever it takes. See you tomorrow. That was Aaron.
HARPER
Yeah, I figured. You guys are close nowadays.
JUAREZ
Yeah. Is that a problem?
HARPER
It could be. Look, you guys went through a trauma together, and it bonded you, and that connection makes every other relationship pale in comparison. But you cannot be his entire support system. Okay? That is a slow poison.
CHEN
Okay. Yeah, I'll meet you there. Tim wants me to meet him at the station.
JUAREZ
Maybe he's ready to make up.
HARPER
Or he has something to say that's gonna make you want to kill him, and he wants witnesses.
CHEN
Man, if he wants to keep arguing, I don't see the point.
BAILEY
Okay, the cake is almost done. We just need to do the fondant flowers. There's four different types, and we need 20 of each.
HARPER
Run.
INT. MID-WILSHIRE STATION, DAY - HALLWAY
CHEN
Oh, hey. Do you know where Tim is?
JAN
Yeah. I think he's in interrogation.
INT. MID-WILSHIRE STATION, DAY - INTERROGATION
CHEN
What? -- What is happening right now?
BRADFORD
I am gonna prove to you that I'm rooting for you.
CHEN
With a lie detector test?
BRADFORD
Yes.
CHEN
Wait, so I can ask anything?
BRADFORD
Well, I mean, the point is for you to ask me about you making detective, you know, working undercover, that sort of thing.
CHEN
Mm-hmm. Sure. But, I mean, you did go through all this trouble, right? We should be thorough, don't you think?
BRADFORD
What do you want to ask?
CHEN
Mm. When I have you trap bugs in my apartment, do you release them outside like I ask?
BRADFORD
No.
CHEN
True? I knew it. You just kill them?
BRADFORD
Yes. Because they're bugs.
CHEN
Okay. Do you love me?
BRADFORD
Yes. I love you.
CHEN
True. Hmm. Okay. You ready?
BRADFORD
Mm-hmm.
CHEN
Big one.
BRADFORD
Ready.
CHEN
Do you want me to be an undercover detective?
BRADFORD
Yes.
CHEN
You liar.
BRADFORD
Huh. I guess we really do have a problem.
INT. NOLAN'S HOUSE, DAY - BEDROOM
NOLAN
Today is the day.
BAILEY
It is.
NOLAN
It's gonna be great.
BAILEY
As long as we're married at the end of it, I'll be happy.
NOLAN
Why do you taste like frosting?
BAILEY
Mm, new face serum.
NOLAN
Oh, that's nice. This is nice. Let's just snuggle in peace for a little while longer.
BAILEY
Mm-hmm.
NOLAN
Okay. And the moment is over. Next time we get married, no houseguests.
BAILEY
Yeah, yeah.
NOLAN
Oh, where's Henry? He was supposed to get in last night.
BAILEY
Landing at Andrews, I think.
NOLAN
Why would he be landing at an air force base?
BAILEY
Mm, did I forget to mention that he had some travel complications?
NOLAN
Yes, you did.
BAILEY
Same way you forgot to mention that Oscar is suing you and that's why you had to give up your phone yesterday.
NOLAN
Touché. I didn't want to worry you.
BAILEY
Exactly. Henry should make it in time for the ceremony, though.
NOLAN
Well, that's all that matters. Let's go get married.
BAILEY
Let's do it.
EXT. ZEN SPIRITUAL RETREAT, DAY - GARDEN
LOPEZ
You look amazing. I mean, the one-shoulder was great too, but this is my favorite.
HARPER
Thank you. I was torn. The other one had a beautiful color, but it did not go with the shoes.
LOPEZ
Oh, and if you swap out the shoes, then the handbag doesn't work.
HARPER
Exactly.
LOPEZ
Yeah.
WESLEY
So I went with a suit.
JAMES
Hey, me too. Mine has a tie.
WESLEY
Oh, my God, same.
JUAREZ
So how long did you stay?
THORSEN
I bailed right after we talked.
JUAREZ
You know, it doesn't seem like you're hanging out with the other guys much.
THORSEN
I guess not. I'd rather hang out with you.
JUAREZ
Yeah, but it can't hurt, though, having more people to talk to, plus your shrink.
THORSEN
What, you trying to get rid of me?
JUAREZ
Never. Never. Just--just looking out for you.
THORSEN
Thanks. You're the best.
JUAREZ
Mm.
GREY
By the way, I read your book club selection. When Elsie died in childbirth, I must admit, I cried.
LUNA
Me too. That was awful.
GREY
And when it turned out that the doctor's mother was alive the whole time--
LUNA
Well, that I saw coming. None of that happened in the book, did it?
GREY
No. What's going on?
LUNA
After everything that happened with Aaron, I saw how much good I could do working in the hospital. So I decided to finish my social work degree. That's where I've been going at night.
GREY
Why the subterfuge?
LUNA
I was worried I'd get three classes in and realize I couldn't hack it. Going back after all these years, it was scary. I did not want to have to worry about disappointing you.
GREY
As if you could. Okay, so how are you doing?
LUNA
Top of my class. Graduate next week. Hospital job starts the week after. I was gonna tell you this weekend.
GREY
You go, girl.
LUNA
I was gonna--[laughs]
NOLAN
That's good. Oh, pardon me one second.
WEDDING PLANNER
Small problem. Father O'Malley's stuck in traffic.
NOLAN
Oh, okay. Should we wait?
WEDDING PLANNER
He's in Chatsworth.
NOLAN
So no. Okay. Sorry, everyone, if I could just get your attention for one minute. I realize this is literally last-minute. Is anyone here qualified to officiate a wedding?
RANDY
I can. As a minister of the Universal Life Church, I would be honored to marry you two crazy kids.
GREY
Sit down, German.
RANDY
Okay.
GREY
I got this.
NOLAN
Thank you.
[jazz band playing Mendelssohn's "Wedding March"]
NOLAN
Here, I'll take that.
GREY
Please be seated. You are all here today because you love these two. They're here to make a commitment under God in front of family and friends to love, honor, and cherish each other for the rest of their lives. Bailey.
BAILEY
I'm suddenly so nervous. There is nothing, literally nothing else in my life I am as certain of as marrying you. I must have written a hundred different vows and I threw them all away 'cause there were too many words. And the way you make me feel is so simple to express. I feel loved and seen and desired and happy. For that, I will love you forever and a day. That's your ring.
NOLAN
My turn. Yes. Bailey Nune, you came into my life in a towel on my doorstep with an unlikely story about being locked out by a meddlesome dog. And I remember thinking, "I'm either being conned by a hot model, or I have just met the woman of my dreams." You're damn right I love and cherish you. You are the most impressive person I've ever met. And I wake up every morning to the dream of being your man. And I promise that making you happy will be my everyday everything.
GREY
Well, there's nothing I can say to top that, so I now pronounce you husband and wife. Kiss your bride. Ladies and gentlemen, Mrs. and Mr. John Nolan.
INT. ZEN RETREAT, NIGHT - DANCE FLOOR
JAMES
Hey, Randy.
RANDY
Oh, James. What a lucky man to be married to the beautiful and terrifying Detective Harper.
JAMES
I couldn't agree more. Hey, I was wondering if I could share a playlist.
RANDY
What, to--
[Young MC's "Bust a Move" playing]
HARPER
So, what, you just had this playlist ready to go?
JAMES
Oh, I set it up the minute that you mentioned Randy was the DJ.
HARPER
Oh, that's why I love you.
JAMES
I got your back.
JUAREZ
Tim and Lucy are gonna be okay?
THORSEN
I'm sure they'll work it out. You want to get some air?
JUAREZ
Yeah, sure.
INT. ZEN RETREAT, NIGHT - BALCONY
JUAREZ
Okay. You know Mercury is merging into Pisces right now, which tends to amplify psychic activity, especially for people born with Mercury in Pisces.
THORSEN
And that means?
JUAREZ
Just pay attention to your dreams for the next couple of weeks. The cosmos might be trying to tell you something.
THORSEN
Yeah, well, my dreams are mainly, um...violent.
JUAREZ
Yeah. Yeah, me too.
THORSEN
Yeah, I haven't told anyone that. Not even the shrink.
JUAREZ
Okay, isn't that exactly the kind of stuff you're supposed to be telling her?
THORSEN
If I'm trying to get better, yes. If I'm trying to get back on patrol, no. I mean, you're the only person that I can talk to about all this.
JUAREZ
And I will always be here for you. -- Aaron.
THORSEN
Oh.
JUAREZ
I--
THORSEN
No, I thought-- I'm sorry.
JUAREZ
No, it's okay.
THORSEN
I'm so--I am so sorry.
JUAREZ
It's fine. I just--I just don't-- yeah, well, I'm gonna go grab a drink.
THORSEN
Yeah.
JUAREZ
Yeah.
THORSEN
Oh, no.
EXT. ZEN RETREAT, NIGHT - PARKING AREA
JUAREZ
Hello?
GALLEGOS
Hey, it's Seth. Flower pot heroin guy. Allegedly. You were right--I need help. They're hunting for me.
JUAREZ
Send me your address. I'll come pick you up.
INT. ZEN RETREAT, NIGHT - BAR
THORSEN
Tequila shots. Keep 'em coming.
[Alicia Keys' "If I Ain't Got You"]
BRADFORD
Clearly, I'm more conflicted about you working undercover than I realized.
CHEN
It's understandable. Losing Isabel in such a horrible way, I mean, how could you possibly be over that?
BRADFORD
Yeah, but it's unfair to you. I need to deal with it. You know, your dream should have nothing to do with my issues.
CHEN
Thank you. We're gonna get through this. I love you.
BRADFORD
Well, you say that, but till I put you under a lie detector, how can I be sure?
CHEN
No, not a chance. I'm not doing it.
THORSEN
You guys made up. Awesome.
BRADFORD
Yeah.
THORSEN
Everyone was so worried. They were like-- I told them, "It's fine. They're solid," so...
CHEN
Whoa, how much have you had to drink?
THORSEN
I don't know. Who cares?
BRADFORD
Well, you should, because as cops, we're always one person's bad choice away from being on duty.
CHEN
Hey, where--where's Celina?
THORSEN
I don't know. Why would I know? It's not like we're together, so... yeah, all right. See ya.
EXT. STREET, NIGHT
JUAREZ
Come on! No, no! All right, all right. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
HARPER
Celina?
JUAREZ
Hey, I'm in trouble. Gallegos called me. He called me—
INT. ZEN RETREAT, NIGHT
HARPER
Celina's in trouble. She went to meet a CI.
GREY
Where?
HARPER
I don't know. Call was cut off. I'm waiting on a warrant for her phone.
NOLAN
What's going on?
LOPEZ
I don't know. Something with Celina.
GREY
This is Grey. I have an officer in distress. I need a dedicated airship and citywide alert pending location.
BRADFORD
I'll get Metro on standby.
CHEN
We gotta get changed.
JAMES
Give me your keys. I'll grab your go bags out of your cars.
CHEN
Thank you.
WESLEY
I'll go with you. Come on.
HARPER
All right, Celina is downtown. They're waiting on a more precise location.
GREY
We'll get it on our way.
NOLAN
I am sorry, I have to go.
BAILEY
I know. I know. Just please don't die on our wedding night.
THORSEN
Hey, I heard something happened to Celina. Is she okay?
CHEN
We don't know. We're going downtown to find her.
THORSEN
Okay, I'm coming with you.
BRADFORD
No, you're drunk and not cleared for active duty. Sit your ass down and do some praying.
CHASTITY
We got him. Hey, handsome. Hey, let's get some coffee in you, yeah?
EXT. STREET, NIGHT
GREY
She's not here. Start a grid search. Whittier to 1st to the 10.
BRADFORD
They took her by car. She could be anywhere right now.
NOLAN
Guys, I got some blood over here. Looks like somebody got dragged that way.
CHEN
Two male suspects. One gun visible. We gotta get past 'em to get inside.
GREY
Get it done. Harper, Lopez, we'll breach from the back.
NOLAN
All right, how do you want to play this?
BRADFORD
Take off your tie. -- Right here. Down on your knees.
CHEN
Here. I'll stay with them. You guys go.
SCARFACE
Last chance-- tell me where my stuff is, or I will cut your throat and move on to your girlfriend.
BRADFORD
All right, it's a tactical nightmare in there. There's no way to get in there quickly enough to neutralize them and save Celina.
[toilet flushes]
THUG
What the--
NOLAN
Sarge. Give me his jacket.
SCARFACE
Time's up.
JUAREZ
Hey, hey. Come on.
THUG
Aah!
SCARFACE
Hey! Hey!
POLICE
Put your hands in the air! Police, hands up! Police! Police! Show me your hands! Show me your hands!
NOLAN
Not to judge, I think you would have had more fun at the wedding.
JUAREZ
No kidding.
INT. NOLAN/NUNE HOUSE, DAY
NOLAN
Bailey? How's it going?
BAILEY
I can't move my body. Did I finish packing for our honeymoon?
NOLAN
Yeah, almost.
BAILEY
I say we buy clothes there.
NOLAN
That is genius. I mean, what do we need anyway? Just bathing suits.
BAILEY
Yeah.
NOLAN
Oh, wow. I'm so sorry I bailed on the wedding.
BAILEY
Mm, you didn't miss much. The cake was kind of a disaster.
NOLAN
How much longer before we have to be at the airport?
BAILEY
Four hours.
NOLAN
Oh, there's plenty of time for a little nap. [yawning] Siri, wake me in an hour.
BAILEY
Yeah.
SIRI
I didn't get that. Could you try again?